Supporting our Clients Through the Holidays When Family Trauma Is Part of the Story
- 2 hours ago
- 5 min read
How therapists can offer grounding, choice, and compassion during
an emotionally charged season
For many people, the holidays are framed as a time of connection, joy, and
togetherness. For clients with a history of family trauma, the holidays can feel
anything but comforting. This season often brings increased pressure to reconnect,
forgive, or show up in ways that may not feel emotionally safe.
Supporting clients during the holidays with family trauma requires a trauma
informed lens that prioritizes nervous system safety, choice, and validation. Rather
than asking clients to push through discomfort or meet expectations that harm
them, therapists can help clients prepare, protect themselves, and move through the
season with greater self trust.
This work is not about fixing family relationships. It is about supporting clients in
staying regulated, grounded, and emotionally intact during a time that often
reactivates old wounds.
Why the Holidays Can Be So Activating for Clients With Family Trauma
The holidays tend to intensify emotional responses because they combine multiple
triggers at once. For clients with family trauma histories, this season can activate
both explicit memories and implicit body responses.
Common factors include:
● Increased contact with family members connected to past harm
● Expectations around forgiveness, gratitude, or togetherness
● Disruption of routines and coping structures
● Sensory triggers such as sounds, smells, or environments tied to earlier
experiences
● Cultural messages that minimize or invalidate estrangement and boundaries
Even clients who feel stable for much of the year may notice heightened anxiety,
irritability, grief, or shutdown during this time. These reactions are not signs of
regression. They are often adaptive trauma responses shaped by past experiences.
A trauma informed approach helps clients understand that their nervous systems
are responding to perceived threat, not personal failure.
Reframing the Client Experience With Compassion
One of the most powerful ways therapists can support clients during the holidays
with family trauma is by helping them reframe their reactions.
Instead of asking, “Why is this still so hard?” the question becomes, “What
happened that taught your nervous system this time of year is unsafe?”
This shift:
● Reduces shame
● Normalizes emotional responses
● Reinforces the idea that symptoms are protective, not pathological
When clients feel understood rather than corrected, they are more able to engage in
intentional planning and self advocacy.
Helping Clients Prepare Before the Holidays Begin
Preparation is often more effective than in the moment coping. Therapists can help
clients think through what is coming before emotions escalate.
Supportive preparation may include:
● Identifying specific people, events, or conversations that feel triggering
● Exploring early signs of activation in the body
● Naming personal limits around time, topics, and emotional labor
● Creating a plan for leaving or disengaging if needed
This process reinforces that clients are allowed to plan for their own well being,
even when others may not understand or agree.
Supporting Boundary Setting Without Guilt
Many clients struggle with boundaries during the holidays, especially if they were
raised to prioritize others’ needs over their own. Family trauma often includes
patterns of guilt, obligation, or emotional manipulation.
Therapists can support clients by:
● Normalizing that boundaries may feel uncomfortable and still be necessary
● Helping clients differentiate between guilt and actual wrongdoing
● Practicing simple, clear boundary language
● Reinforcing that explanations are optional
Boundaries are not punishments. They are tools for safety and sustainability.
For clients with trauma histories, maintaining boundaries can be a critical part of
nervous system regulation.
Grounding and Regulation Strategies Clients Can Use Discreetly
During family gatherings or holiday events, clients may need grounding tools that
are subtle and accessible. Therapists can help clients build a personalized
regulation toolkit.
Examples include:
● Orienting to the room by naming neutral objects
● Pressing feet into the floor to increase body awareness
● Slow, extended exhales to support parasympathetic activation
● Carrying a grounding object that offers sensory input
● Brief breaks in private spaces such as bathrooms or outside
These strategies are not about forcing calm. They are about creating moments of
safety and choice when the nervous system feels overwhelmed.
Giving Clients Permission to Opt Out
One of the most healing interventions can be helping clients recognize that
participation is optional.
Not attending a gathering, leaving early, or spending the holidays differently than
expected can be deeply protective choices. Therapists can help clients explore:
● What feels emotionally safest this year, not what has always been done
● How to tolerate others’ disappointment without abandoning themselves
● Alternative ways to mark the season that feel meaningful
Opting out is not avoidance when it is rooted in self protection and awareness.
Common Mistakes Therapists Should Avoid
Even well intentioned support can become harmful if it minimizes trauma or
pushes clients beyond their window of tolerance.
Common pitfalls include:
● Encouraging reconciliation before a client feels ready
● Using language like “they did their best” prematurely
● Prioritizing family harmony over client safety
● Overemphasizing coping skills without addressing relational harm
Trauma informed care centers the client’s lived experience and pacing, not external
expectations.
Safer, Trauma Informed Alternatives
Instead, therapists can focus on:
● Choice based decision making
● Values aligned planning
● Resourcing and stabilization before trauma processing
● Reinforcing internal permission rather than external approval
This approach empowers clients to move through the holidays with greater clarity
and agency.
Gentle Reflection Prompts Therapists Can Offer Clients
Reflection can help clients reconnect with their internal compass during a noisy
season.
Prompts may include:
● What helps me feel most emotionally safe right now?
● What am I allowed to say no to this season?
● Who or what helps me feel regulated and supported?
● What would honoring my needs look like, even in small ways?
These questions reinforce self trust rather than obligation.
Meet the Therapist: Ortal Weinberg, LMHC
Ortal Weinberg is a trauma informed therapist at Peaceful Living Mental Health
Counseling. She works with children, teens, and adults navigating family trauma,
complex relationships, and emotional overwhelm.
Ortal supports clients in building
boundaries, increasing nervous system awareness, and reconnecting with a sense of
safety and self worth.
About Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling
Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling provides trauma informed therapy for
children, teens, and adults. Services are offered in Person in Scarsdale, NY and
virtually across New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, and Florida.
Our approach centers compassion, collaboration, and understanding what happened to you rather than focusing on what is wrong with you.
Ready for Support for upcoming holidays?
If the holidays bring up anxiety, grief, or family stress connected to past trauma,
you do not have to navigate it alone.
If you are in crisis, call 988 in the U.S. or your local emergency number.