A Trauma-Informed Look at Overworking, People-Pleasing, and Workplace Boundaries and Relationships
- marketing426092
- 3 hours ago
- 5 min read
Why Boundaries at Work Feel So Hard (Especially in Finance)
When “Yes” Becomes the Default
If you work in finance, chances are you’ve said “yes” when you meant “no.”
“Yes, I can stay late.”
“Yes, I’ll take that on.”
“Yes, I’ll handle it — don’t worry.”
Before you know it, your days blur together, your calendar is packed, and your needs are nowhere on the list.
You tell yourself this is what success requires that this is just how the industry works. But beneath the long hours and constant availability, there’s often something deeper at play: a nervous system conditioned to equate boundaries with danger.
As someone who spent over 25 years in finance before becoming a therapist, I understand the pressure to perform, to please, and to never be the person who “can’t handle it.” But from a trauma-informed perspective, overworking isn’t always about ambition sometimes, it’s about survival.
That’s why conversations around workplace boundaries and relationships are so important. They’re not just about time management, they're about nervous system regulation, safety, and self-worth.
The Nervous System Side of Workplace Boundaries and Relationships
Healthy boundaries rely on one key ingredient: a regulated nervous system.
When your body feels safe, you can say no with confidence, rest without guilt, and trust that your worth isn’t tied to productivity.
But when your nervous system is dysregulated often due to chronic stress, trauma, or environments that reward over giving boundaries feel threatening. Saying no can activate fear, shame, or anxiety.
You might notice this cycle:
You overcommit to avoid disappointing others.
You feel resentful, tired, or unseen.
You push harder to prove yourself.
You burn out then blame yourself for not being stronger.
This is what trauma teaches the body: that safety comes from pleasing, performing, or producing.
Recognizing the nervous system’s role in workplace boundaries and relationships helps you move beyond guilt and toward awareness. It’s not about fixing yourself — it’s about understanding your body’s natural responses and retraining them with compassion.
Why It’s Especially Hard in Finance
The finance world runs on intensity. Long hours, constant communication, and unspoken competition create an environment where boundary-setting feels like weakness.
From early in your career, you’re taught that the person who stays the latest or answers emails first “wants it more.” That culture of constant output rewires the nervous system for hypervigilance always scanning for what needs to be done, what might go wrong, or who might be disappointed.
For LGBTQIA+ professionals, this dynamic can feel even more complicated. Many of us learned to navigate belonging by being adaptable, agreeable, or exceptional — traits that blend easily into workplace over-functioning.
Overworking can become a form of self-protection: “If I’m indispensable, I’ll be safe.”
But safety that depends on exhaustion isn’t real safety. It’s survival mode in disguise — and it’s one of the most common ways workplace boundaries and relationships become blurred.
The Connection Between Boundaries, Trauma, and Worth
Boundaries aren’t just about behavior, they're about self-worth.
If you grew up in environments where love or approval were conditional, saying no can feel like rejection or abandonment. The body remembers those early lessons and reacts with tension, guilt, or fear when you try to prioritize yourself.
This is especially true in high-stakes careers, where value is often measured by output. The nervous system starts to confuse being needed with being worthy.
That’s why “Work-life balance” isn’t just a productivity issue it’s a trauma-informed healing issue. It’s about helping your body learn that rest is safe, that limits are healthy, and that your worth isn’t on trial every time you say no.
Understanding how trauma shapes workplace boundaries and relationships allows us to move from survival to authenticity from overextension to equilibrium.
How to Begin Setting Boundaries in a Regulated Way
You don’t have to overhaul your work life overnight. Small, consistent shifts help the nervous system learn that it’s safe to protect your time and energy.
Here are trauma-informed strategies to start:
1. Pause Before You Commit
When someone asks for your time or help, take a breath before responding. Notice what your body feels. Tightness or urgency often means your nervous system is in “fawn” mode trying to secure safety by pleasing others.
2. Name What You Need — Even Privately at First
It’s okay to practice identifying your needs quietly before expressing them out loud. Awareness is the first step to boundary-setting.
3. Start with Gentle No’s
Boundaries don’t have to be harsh. Try phrases like, “I’d love to help, but I don’t have the capacity right now,” or “I can get to that tomorrow.”
4. Notice How Safety Feels in Your Body
When you do set a limit, track what happens physically: heart rate, breath, muscle tension. Ground yourself with deep exhalations or physical touch (like a hand on your chest) to signal safety.
5. Reframe Boundaries as Connection, Not Conflict
Boundaries aren’t walls, they're bridges. They teach others how to connect with the real you, not the overextended version.
6. Seek Support to Repattern the Nervous System
Therapeutic approaches like CBT and EMDR can help identify the beliefs and body responses that make boundaries feel unsafe helping you build resilience and confidence in your “no.”
These small practices create powerful shifts in your workplace boundaries and relationships, making space for balance, trust, and mutual respect.
Redefining Success Through Self-Respect
Boundaries aren’t selfish; they're a declaration that your well-being matters as much as your work.
In finance and in life sustainable success doesn’t come from constant overextension. It comes from alignment: when your nervous system, values, and boundaries all work together.
You can still be ambitious, driven, and dependable without burning out in the process.
Because at the end of the day, boundaries don’t limit your potential. They protect it. And learning to balance your workplace boundaries and relationships may be one of the most important investments you’ll ever make in your mental health and professional longevity.
Meet our Scarsdale Therapist "Frank"
Hi, I’m Frank Sarrapochiello, a bilingual (English, Spanish, and Italian) Mental Health Counseling Intern in Scarsdale, NY.
I help adults, especially LGBTQIA+ professionals and high-achieving individuals navigate anxiety, burnout, identity stress, and trauma through a warm, trauma-informed, and collaborative approach.
Before becoming a therapist, I spent over 25 years in the finance industry, where I experienced firsthand how authenticity and the nervous system intersect and how the cost of masking can quietly erode confidence and well-being.
As a 9/11 survivor, I understand both the fragility and strength of the human nervous system. I use CBT and EMDR therapy to help clients regulate, reconnect, and restore the sense of safety that makes authenticity possible.
Supervised by Dana Carretta-Stein, LMHC
Work With Frank
Working with me means you’ll receive personalized, trauma-informed support — and the guidance of not just one therapist, but two.
It’s like having two therapists for the price of one — at a lower session cost — while still receiving the same quality of care, compassion, and clinical supervision that Peaceful Living is known for.
If you’ve been feeling burned out, overwhelmed, or disconnected from yourself, this is a safe and affordable place to begin your healing journey.
About Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling
At Peaceful Living, we believe that healing starts with boundaries, safety, and self-compassion.
Our trauma-informed, LGBTQIA+-affirming therapists provide evidence-based care for individuals, couples, and professionals navigating anxiety, burnout, workplace stress, and trauma.
We help clients understand the connection between workplace boundaries and relationships, emotional regulation, and mental health — so they can thrive without sacrificing themselves.
If you’re ready to reclaim your energy, confidence, and peace, our team is here to walk alongside you.
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