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4 Red Flags When Finding a Trauma Therapist

Trying to find a therapist near you is not easy.

Red flags in therapy

1. The therapist can’t regulate their own emotions.

Trauma work IS intense! And therapists are human, too. BUT therapists are responsible for doing their own work so their unresolved stuff does not get taken out on their clients.  A fantastic therapist knows how to regulate their own emotions so they can help you co-regulate during those moments of intensity, which leads to you learning how to self-regulate outside of the session.

2. The therapist doesn’t hold you accountable

(gives in to their own people pleasing / fawning responses - more concerned with you liking them than helping you) Calling you out is one of the ways that we, as therapists, make sure we’re not enabling you. After all, we’re helping you achieve the goals that you want us to help you with.

3. The therapist doesn’t model healthy boundaries.

Healthy boundaries include, but not limited to:

📆  Upholding cancellation policies 

⏰ Holding time boundaries for session (starts on time, ends on time, does not cancel ALL the time or constantly rearrange your scheduled time)

📲Is not constantly available outside of session. Constant outside of session contact, in general, is not healthy, because again, it fosters codependence and inhibits your own ability to make the changes necessary to help you achieve your treatment goals. 

4. The therapist is working harder than you are OR not working at all.

Therapy is an investment of time and energy. There should a mutual contribution to your session.  Many therapists seek supervision and consultation outside of sessions to make sure they’re doing the best they can to help you. But therapists should also be supporting you to do your own work, too (which goes back to the accountability from before)

💭 Please keep in mind, there are exceptions to everything I just said, life is certainly not black and white, and neither is therapy.  If you have any concerns with your current therapist, please communicate with them about it! 


About our Owner and Founder Dana Carretta-Stein

EMDR coach

Dana Carretta-Stein is the owner and founder of Peaceful Living Mental Health Counseling located on the border of Scarsdale and Eastchester in Westchester, NY.


Dana is an expert in using the most effective methods of trauma informed care to help individuals achieve life long relief and fulfillment.

Dana specializes in parentinganxiety, and trauma with adults.


She is an EMDRIA Approved Consultant & Business Coach for other wellness professionals.


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